Pretend
by Not Just a Nerd
Summary: Pretend, pretend, pretend... She's caught in this game of pretence... forever and even after that...   Justin was always her definition of eternity- no pretending there.   *Dark JALEX* One-shot. Future-fic. Alex-centric.


**Disclaimer: I do not own WOWP.**

She pretends it's fine, even when it hurts inside. She pretends she's alright, even when her heart feels like it's been crashed on the floor and pounded against the cold, harsh marble. She pretends nothing is wrong with her, even when her entire life feels like a living and breathing lie. She pretends, pretends, pretends- pretends to herself, pretends to the world. But she cannot pretend to him. He knows- he knows, just from that look in her eyes, from that quiver of her lips, from that helpless sigh of defeat...

She pretends that her skin doesn't burn when her hand accidentally brushes against his arm. She pretends that her breath doesn't hitch when she feels his breath against her cheek. She pretends that her eyes don't follow him every time he passes by her, that her heart doesn't sink every time she finds him with someone else. She pretends it doesn't shatter her into fragile little pieces that he will stomp on when he walks. She pretends she is alright every time she feels tears pricking her eyes. She pretends, pretends, pretends- and in the end, reality merges with imagination, she feels his hands on her skin, and pretends it's real.

Every time her lips are tugged on by some random boy, every time gentle fingers coil in her messy hair, every time skin presses against her skin, she pretends it's him. And she pretends that it doesn't hurt (kill) her every time she opens her eyes and faces reality, every time she sees that it's not him, and that it can never be...

She pretends that she doesn't notice how his eyes are fixed on her face, and how it makes her stomach do such a happy flip. She pretends that she doesn't notice when his hand lingers on her skin for two extra seconds, and how it sends shivers down her spine. She pretends that she doesn't feel this love, she pretends she is not sick, disgusting, freak, she pretends she has nothing to do with the words 'incest', 'taboo', 'forbidden'.

After every tiring day, she pretends that she doesn't feel like her life is being sucked out of her soul, like her heart is being ripped out of her body, like her energy is being stolen away from her limbs. She closes her door against the lively city lights outside, and closes her eyes against the darkness and emptiness of her room, and pretends she is alright, she is safe. All she needs to do is pretend...

Pretend, pretend, pretend… pretend for seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years… pretend, pretend, pretend… say goodbye to teenage and your old house, pretend you don't miss it, don't miss the memories it is associated with… pretend, pretend, pretend.

Summer comes; she pretends the sun seems brighter than his smile. Monsoon arrives; she pretends it's the raindrops dripping down her face, not her tears of helplessness. (Not seeing him for two years is no big deal, she pretends.) Winter knocks at her door, and she opens it, pretending she doesn't have this longing to crawl back under the blankets and see him there. Christmas and the inevitable family gathering approaches; she pretends that it's merely by accident that she actually bought him a present this year. New Year, and she pretends the fireworks still seem bright. (She pretends she doesn't notice him watching the lights of the fireworks lighting her face, instead of the actual fireworks.)

January, and she's back to her home, back to being alone, back to her routine life, back to the task of continuing this act of pretence.

She pretends that the first person she thinks of when she gets in trouble is not him. She pretends that she suddenly doesn't have this urge to reach out for the phone and call him. She pretends her heart doesn't do a tap dance (her shoes must be made of _stinging_ needles) when she notices his number flash on her phone. She pretends she is alright without him, that she is perfect, that she is happy.

And she pretends it doesn't bother her when her mother calls her announcing his wedding date. She pretends she is not shocked to find out he has a girlfriend and he never mentioned it to her. She pretends she is happy that he has been able to move on. (Those _must_ be happy tears). She pretends she doesn't want to end this game of pretence…

She pretends she is happy being the bridesmaid, she pretends her heart doesn't long for that white dress. (There was a reason why she always wore flashy clothes.) She pretends her ring finger doesn't burn, her heart doesn't ache. But by the time the newly wed kiss, pretending is not working.

Yet, she must be keep on trying, must keep on smiling, must keep on pretending. Pretend, pretend, pretend… pretend for seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years… pretend, pretend, pretend…

Summer, monsoon, winter- she doesn't really understand the difference anymore. It's all sun and sky and snow and rain and tears and pain and eating and living and…. whatever. She pretends she is not excited about visiting her family after 5 years, pretends she is not scared (petrified) about meeting (facing) him again.

And then, his hands are on her wrists, her arms, her shoulders, her hair, her sides- everywhere, followed by his lips, touching, feeling, memorizing her skin, and she doesn't think she's capable of pretending anymore. She's not capable of pretending that she has not been won over by his passion. She can't pretend that she is feeling guilty about the adultery they are committing- she can't pretend that it does not hurt her to even think that Justin belongs to someone else now.

She knows this is how life will be- lonely, wretched, possibly with stolen kisses and forbidden touches after years, but when he presses against her, feeling her, filling her- she doesn't want to pretend anymore, doesn't want to pretend that she doesn't want him the way she does, doesn't want to pretend that every second away from him is not killing her, doesn't want to pretend that she doesn't need him this bad, because right now, the only thing she wants to do is run away with him and pretend to be newly weds…

Pretend, pretend, pretend…. She's caught in this game of pretence…. forever and even after that…. (Justin was always her definition of eternity- no pretending there.)

-Finished.

(**A/N: There- now my old one-shots are up. Plus, I completed writing 'Once Again', let me see if I can sneak out of studies and update it one of these days... meanwhile, enjoy life and let me freak out over my exams (: lol.)**


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